My biggest obstacle throughout my life up until this point has been nurturing my thoughts to find the strength and empowerment behind the bad things I would think and/or believe about myself.

This would normally come up as – “I’m not good enough” or I would compare myself to others, whether that was on a material, emotional or physical level. The thoughts would reoccur, each time becoming more abrasive.

Now I can see that the beauty of the mind is that it can only perceive what it is told or taught, we have the decision on what we choose to keep inside of ourselves and also how we choose to nurture our thoughts, but rather than using our incredible brains to empower us and feel amazing, we tell ourselves that something is wrong, or that we are flawed. This comes from all types of influences and subconscious conditioning, such as your relationships with your caregivers, parents, family, friends, social media, the media ect.

Being trapped in this cycle is painful, it will stop you from reaching your full potential and I’m here to tell you that negative beliefs you have about yourself are not true, no matter how intensely they are felt, you have the power to change it! – It’s information we have been fed from being a child, our brains are constantly trying to process and interpret the world around us and it is very good at categorising experiences and storing them, therefore cognitively and biologically changing who we know we are, leaving us feeling lost, without purpose, lonely or ashamed, or maybe the feelings aren’t intense as this, it may show up as self-doubt, lack of confidence, low self-esteem or even trauma and sickness in the physically body.

As we grow older, our relationships with ourselves and others begin to mirror those we had when we was younger.

What is the model of a person you would like to be in your life? Does that align with your treatment in earlier life? If it doesn’t that’s okay, mine doesn’t either. This is when the magic happens! – we can begin to be VERY specific about what thoughts, people and actions we allow into our precious lives.

This is the time to get really subjective. Become curious and ask yourself…

Where are these thoughts coming from?

Who made me believe these things and where were they enforced?

What/who makes me believe that my external belongings or appearance or lack of any measure adds value to my worth as an individual? (this should be taken with a pinch of salt, as physical appearance, finances and popularity are closely related to self-worth and it isn’t a bad thing to desire improvements in any of these areas, it is bad when we use it as a weapon against ourselves, rather than being kind and making space to allow these things into our lives organically, with love, intention and passion.)

When we go on the journey to find the origins of these limiting self-beliefs, we can start to be very honest with what we truly value and confidant in our power to clear away any of the thoughts which do not serve a purpose, those thoughts that that make you feel icky or uncomfortable. You always have the choice.

Being the observer of our thoughts, rather than the sufferer gives us the perspective we need to change our thought pathways, stopping ourselves when we hear anything negative come through, and then questioning where it has come from which is a skill we can develop over time, it’s never a linear journey to self-healing.

You should speak to yourself the same way you would speak to a cherished friend, with compassion, an open heart, tenderness & love.

Become familiar with your goals, from a panoramic view, and it’s also okay if these view change a lot we’re all here just trying to figure things out… be kind to yourself, always! – in this modern society we have become so far removed from what our natural state is, and that is to love unconditionally.

We (very shallowly) put more emphasis on the physical/aesthetic benefits of being fit or looking good, yet the most rewarding part is taking control of your health, your body and your mind to create structure, space and new beginnings. Giving your mind & body the love it needs, it then overflows into every other area of our lives. When we know better, we do better.

The typical line for me is “Wow, get up, you’re becoming so lazy you need to work out now because you won’t look good otherwise” – how abrasive is this? It might seem subtle, but the body doesn’t know the difference between a harsh comment or a statement said without intentions of being damaging as such, I wouldn’t dream of speaking to my worst enemy like this, yet for so many years I would speak to myself like this every day.

This thoughts still come up for me sometimes, but I simply change a few words – “how am I feeling this morning? I’m feeling tired, I mustn’t of slept very well. That’s okay, I can exercise later, that could make me feel good” so then rather than chastising myself for not throwing myself out of bed to do a workout I’m not really feeling up to, I hold space for my wellbeing, on all levels.

This awareness and kindness changes our perspective from being anxious and harsh, to being friendly, tender, and encouraging. Becoming the observer of your thoughts doesn’t happen straight away, open your heart to new approaches and be patient the changes do come gradually. Sometimes we can tell ourselves that we aren’t deserving or it is pointless (again those mean thoughts!) but I’m here to tell you that you are always worthy of overbrimming love in every way.

Start small, build it up, celebrate every victory no matter how big or small. Thank you for taking your time to read this, I wish you all of the health and happiness in the world.

Lots of Love, Isabelle. ♡

The benefits of becoming your own best friend are endless. – When I began to put my own needs before others I stepped into my own strength without guilt. I found it difficult as I am naturally a people pleaser but it is so much more supportive to honour yourself in this way by making yourself your number one priority.

Being a people pleaser is an aspect of my personality I believe holds a lot of value and should be cherished, but I was more driven to meet others needs which lead me to a toxic pattern of ignoring my own. (We’re only human, be kind♡)

I had to come to the realisation that I wouldn’t ever find peace, security or happiness from any external sources in my life. It had to come from inside of myself. This ground work is essential to start building resilience against anxiety and self-doubt. We have to trust our instincts.

What would you tell your best friend if they were doubting themselves, or going through a bad time? – you would be the voice of reason, reassurance, support.

This is the exact way we should speak to ourselves. Begin to establish boundaries with what you will accept from yourself and others. What will serve you? try recognise what your mind and body are trying to tell you by listening with an open heart, don’t be harsh on yourself, try to speak to yourself from the most gentle place in your heart.

Anxiety and stress are names for what happens when the body starts to secrete hormones which activate the sympathetic nervous system, therefore producing physical symptoms like heart palpitations, breathlessness, shaking, rage, a feeling of losing control.

I became really familiar with these feelings as they would pop up nearly every day for me. It was brutal, I ignored the triggers for these sensations for so long until I started to become physically unwell, because my body was so stressed out it stopped functioning normally. – I have slowly, started to build my “anxiety armour”. It is a healing process that I am still going through now. I have seen huge improvements to the quality of my life since doing this inner work.

Starting small and building it up slowly is the key here, I started by being really honest with myself about what made me feel anxious, afraid, sad or unsupported.

I came to the realisation that there was even people that I love and hold a lot of space for that were catalysts for my anxiety, it was paradoxical because I held onto them so tightly for security, yet it was this which hindered my growth and made me feel insecure.

The recognition I am speaking of was not an easy path, unfortunately anxiety isn’t something which can be erased from our lives completely, but we can certainly support ourselves in making our lives less anxiety inducing by looking at when these feelings come up and then getting curious about why we may feel this way. – In the instance of a panic attack we are not thinking rationally but if we begin to put this groundwork down first, hopefully we won’t find ourselves in a situation where this is the outcome.

Then if we do have a panic attack maybe we can reflect back on this and try to pin point why we felt that way.

Sharing my personal experience of a previous partner. Our relationship was the definition of unhealthy. Now, I would like to make it VERY clear that I am not blaming myself for their behaviour by saying that I allowed for this to happen, what they did to me was morally wrong and damaging however I went against what my body and my mind was screaming out for, and I continued to allow for this person to be a part of my life at my own detriment.

During this time I had little acknowledgement as to why I kept repeating this cycle, then as more time went by the urge to escape this cycle became more intense. I would take this person back back, then torture myself for being so “stupid, needy, gullible”.

I knew I had to make the change, so I started to do more research about self-help, how put myself first. I was ready to step into my value without shame or feeling like I was unworthy because of the negative beliefs which clouded my mind for so long. There isn’t anybody on the planet who knows you better than you know yourself so don’t ever let somebody else tell you how to feel, who you are or how you should act!

My first breakthrough was when I realised that I held on so tightly because I was terrified of abandonment. There is a saying that goes “Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go” – it is so true, once I started to accept the empty space inside of me. That part of me that was scared, lonely and unheard, it was then that real love and acceptance started to flow into my life like a river, not forceful love created by codependency.

I love you so much, you have got this. ❤️