The benefits of becoming your own best friend are endless. – When I began to put my own needs before others I stepped into my own strength without guilt. I found it difficult as I am naturally a people pleaser but it is so much more supportive to honour yourself in this way by making yourself your number one priority.
Being a people pleaser is an aspect of my personality I believe holds a lot of value and should be cherished, but I was more driven to meet others needs which lead me to a toxic pattern of ignoring my own. (We’re only human, be kind♡)
I had to come to the realisation that I wouldn’t ever find peace, security or happiness from any external sources in my life. It had to come from inside of myself. This ground work is essential to start building resilience against anxiety and self-doubt. We have to trust our instincts.
What would you tell your best friend if they were doubting themselves, or going through a bad time? – you would be the voice of reason, reassurance, support.
This is the exact way we should speak to ourselves. Begin to establish boundaries with what you will accept from yourself and others. What will serve you? try recognise what your mind and body are trying to tell you by listening with an open heart, don’t be harsh on yourself, try to speak to yourself from the most gentle place in your heart.
Anxiety and stress are names for what happens when the body starts to secrete hormones which activate the sympathetic nervous system, therefore producing physical symptoms like heart palpitations, breathlessness, shaking, rage, a feeling of losing control.
I became really familiar with these feelings as they would pop up nearly every day for me. It was brutal, I ignored the triggers for these sensations for so long until I started to become physically unwell, because my body was so stressed out it stopped functioning normally. – I have slowly, started to build my “anxiety armour”. It is a healing process that I am still going through now. I have seen huge improvements to the quality of my life since doing this inner work.
Starting small and building it up slowly is the key here, I started by being really honest with myself about what made me feel anxious, afraid, sad or unsupported.
I came to the realisation that there was even people that I love and hold a lot of space for that were catalysts for my anxiety, it was paradoxical because I held onto them so tightly for security, yet it was this which hindered my growth and made me feel insecure.
The recognition I am speaking of was not an easy path, unfortunately anxiety isn’t something which can be erased from our lives completely, but we can certainly support ourselves in making our lives less anxiety inducing by looking at when these feelings come up and then getting curious about why we may feel this way. – In the instance of a panic attack we are not thinking rationally but if we begin to put this groundwork down first, hopefully we won’t find ourselves in a situation where this is the outcome.
Then if we do have a panic attack maybe we can reflect back on this and try to pin point why we felt that way.
Sharing my personal experience of a previous partner. Our relationship was the definition of unhealthy. Now, I would like to make it VERY clear that I am not blaming myself for their behaviour by saying that I allowed for this to happen, what they did to me was morally wrong and damaging however I went against what my body and my mind was screaming out for, and I continued to allow for this person to be a part of my life at my own detriment.
During this time I had little acknowledgement as to why I kept repeating this cycle, then as more time went by the urge to escape this cycle became more intense. I would take this person back back, then torture myself for being so “stupid, needy, gullible”.
I knew I had to make the change, so I started to do more research about self-help, how put myself first. I was ready to step into my value without shame or feeling like I was unworthy because of the negative beliefs which clouded my mind for so long. There isn’t anybody on the planet who knows you better than you know yourself so don’t ever let somebody else tell you how to feel, who you are or how you should act!
My first breakthrough was when I realised that I held on so tightly because I was terrified of abandonment. There is a saying that goes “Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go” – it is so true, once I started to accept the empty space inside of me. That part of me that was scared, lonely and unheard, it was then that real love and acceptance started to flow into my life like a river, not forceful love created by codependency.
I love you so much, you have got this. ❤️
Hungry, Healthy, Happy. 